I’ve never been one to identify too closely with male gender roles. Sure, I’m bi-sexual, and toy around with the “lesbian” label, but to me I’ve never felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body. I’m a woman who likes being a woman. I just happen to like girls. The point is, I’ve never been compelled to dress like a man just to reject the social bias of certain gender roles. Sure, I don’t wear slinky dresses or put on much make-up, but neither do I get crew cuts and dress like a male businessman.

But I know people who do.  I know people who feel strongly the need to dress the exact opposite from the way they feel society wants them to. It’s all about thumbing your nose at expectations. Not to say that it is for all. Some gay women simply don’t feel like women; breasts and vaginas be damned. It’s a very individual thing. Every gay person handles her on his own self image in the most comfortable way for them. So I’ve never had a problem with those women who dress like men. It’s who they are and, more importantly, reflects who they want to be.

So… when I read a story about a girl in Mississippi who has been told by school officials that she has to dress a certain way to be included in the school yearbook, it breaks my heart. Partly for the girl herself, but partly because I realize how very far we have to go in this country before gays are treated as equal human beings. And don’t begin to give me this crap about how gays have the same rights as everybody else. That’s like a white cracker in the 60′s telling a black person that racism doesn’t exist. Unless that white cracker had used separate water fountains, sat in the balconies of movie theaters, or eaten in the kitchen at restaurants, it’s quite likely they never honestly experienced any form of racism (because it wasn’t directed at white crackers). What might seem to you like a fair and equitable system doesn’t seem that way when you’re on the other side of the glass looking in.

The girl I’m talking about is 17-year-old Ceara Sturgis: a straight-A student, a goalie on the soccer team, a trumpet player in the school band, who is active in Students Against Destructive Decisions. But despite being an exemplary student, Sturgis created a stink when she decided to pose for her senior photo in a tuxedo (rather than the drape customary for girls). Needless to say, school officials went off the deep end. Sturgis received a letter from the school in August stating that only boys could wear tuxedos and have since refused to include the photo in the school yearbook.

How wrong is that? Ceara Sturgis is going to be excluded from the school yearbook because she won’t dress girly for the camera? Gay students should not be punished because their sense of self doesn’t match the requirements of their prejudiced teachers. School is a formative time for all young people. No student deserves to be singled out because of their sexual orientation. It’s bad enough the abuse she must get from some students because she identifies herself as gay. Now the school is going to support that abuse by denying Sturgis the same rights as the other students? All because of her sexual orientation? And don’t give me that crap about how rules are rules. If your childrens’ high schools required that all boys take their senior photos wearing pink tutus, you’d feel very different about it.

My heart goes out to Ceara Sturgis. I’ve been where she’s at. Most gays have experienced this sort of discrimination, in one way or another. We’re constantly reminded that we’re second class citizens. As long as we dress and act like everyone expects us to, no one objects to our existence – in theory. But when we do that, we’re all made to feel like we’re living a lie. And I, for one, am very tired of living my life like I’m far behind enemy lines.