FIRST: Read the Disclaimer. If you do nothing else, do this. Long story short, it details the fact that I am a fictional character, and why I exist. I mention this here because apparently not many people are reading the Disclaimer, and are under the assumption that I’m real. Or at least, that I am of flesh and blood.
SECOND: If you write me and expect a response, my first message to you will be a reminder of the Disclaimer and the Rules of Engagement. After that, if you continue to write me as if I am a real person, I will respond as if I am a real person. I am an interactive character. So don’t write if you don’t want to interact.
THIRD: If you have general questions about me or this project, I would suggest writing. If you write me asking me bizarre questions about my reality, I’ll either ignore you or I’ll respond as if you’re insane. How would you react to someone asking you about your author?
FOURTH: Unpleasant comments and spam will be removed from the page. It’s generally understood that I’m fictional, so don’t feel like you have to make comments telling everyone that I am. Also, if you ask to be my friend (on Facebook) and then use the comments section solely to advertise your business or web site, I will first delete your comment, and on a second offense I will remove you from my friends list. In extreme cases I will find you and torment you in your dreams.
FIFTH: Um … well. I think that’s about it. If I left something out, I’ll add it later. And if I should suddenly spring to life and find breathe in my lungs and blood in my veins, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, it’s probably best that you don’t assume that we can go clubbing together.
Thanks for your time. Thanks for reading. I think we’ll both be a whole lot less frustrated now that we know the ground rules.
~ Claire Mulkieran