No Right-Wing Slogans, Please

I just joined the ranks of the petty. I noticed that one of the people on my MySpace Top Friends list had changed her image so that it said “Vote McCain/Palin”. So I removed her from my top friends list. Not because of her politics. Lady knows, I’m not that petty. She has a right to believe what she believes and vote for whomever she wishes, and I’m sure we’ll get together again for lunch and a good argument. But … I’m not going to have a slogan for McCain/Palin showing up on my MySpace page. Not going to have it.

I’m still scratching my head about the breathless support for Sarah Palin. For some reason, I can’t figure out why so many women think she’s so great. She’s a former beauty queen who attended six colleges in six years and has built a political career out of being a MILF. I can understand Right-Wing Evangelicals thinking Sarah Palin is great. She’s playing second fiddle to the man and being supportive of him. That’s the traditional role of the woman in the Christian family, right? I think a lot of Christian women look at Sarah Palin and see their own families in the reflection. If you really look at the traditional role of women in Christian marriage, isn’t the man essentially the President and the woman the Vice-President?

The thing that makes me crazy is that no one is looking at Sarah Palin’s qualifications. I keep having women tell me “She seems like the kind of person you could have lunch with and really talk to”. I want to grab them and shake them, and ask “So? So? What the fuck is wrong with you? Hitler loved puppies!” but then I recall that George W. Bush got into the White House the very same way. Everyone knew that he was a idiot from a privileged background who had traded off of his Daddy’s name his entire life, but he seemed like a nice-enough guy, and that was alright for most Americans (well, “most” in 2004 … Bush actually lost in 2000). We all know how well that went, don’t we?

It drove me crazy that so many feminists wanted to vote for Hillary Clinton for no other reason than that she had a vagina. Now we have a bunch of soccer moms on the other side who want to vote for Sarah Palin for the very same reason. Is it too much to ask that a woman have more qualifications for public office than having a vagina? If you’re a woman, voting for a woman simply because she’s a woman is just as sexist and offensive as a man voting for a woman because she’s a MILF.

Lady help us, if all it takes to be Vice-President of the United States is being fuckable, couldn’t we do a little better than Sarah Palin? Scarlett Johansson? Angelina Jolie, maybe? Hey, why not? Angelina Jolie has been to more countries than Sarah Palin has, has actually had contact with the heads of state of foreign governments, and has worked with the United Nations on relief projects. Doesn’t that constitute more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin’s bizarre logic that being able to see Russia from “an island in Alaska” makes her an experienced in foreign relations?

I’ve reached a point now where I flinch every time I see a McCain/Palin logo on my television set. It might as well be an Ingsoc ad delivering the latest thought-speech revisions. There’s nothing real about it. John McCain and Sarah Palin have turned this election into a reality television show, and Americans are looking forward to be able to cast their votes in the latest episode of America’s Got Political Talent. Who do you think is going to win if it’s based on nothing more than appearance?

Sarah Palin scares me. You can see that mad light dancing in her eyes. She reminds me of the airheads I had to deal with in school, who honestly seemed to think that the fact that they were prettier than you gave them the upper hand in any debate (which actually proved true on occasion if your debate with one of the nymphs had to be settled by a male teacher). I learned pretty early that even if there isn’t the most remote chance of a man getting to fuck a girl, his judgment between two females is always going to favor the one he’d rather fuck if he had the chance. When it’s all said and done, isn’t that what this election comes down to? Men like Sarah Palin because she’s a Right-Wing Conservative wet dream; a gun-toting, moose skinning Neo-Conservative who thinks Global Warming is bullshit, Evolution is nothing more than a theory, and any woman who gets pregnant should be forced to have the baby. And she’s hotter than most of their wives, isn’t she?

I guess Conservative women might like her for the same reason. But they’re not the ones I’m upset with. I’ve been driven crazy by the women who would despise a Right-Wing nutjob like Sarah Palin if the ideology came with a penis, but are so desperate to see a woman in the White House that they brush everything aside in favor of “she seems like someone you could really talk to”.

I can’t help myself. I keep wondering how the negotiations would go after McCain’s wrinkled old heart had finally ground to a stop and Sarah Palin was meeting for the first time with the Russians as President of the United States, trying to assuade their fears that a hormonal former beauty queen had her finger on the nuclear button by telling them “I know all about Russia. You can see Russia from an island in Alaska, you know.”

I honestly find myself wondering if Sarah Palin knows that the United States bought Alaska from the Russians. And you know what? The fact that I seriously have to wonder about that makes me just want to cry.

About Claire

Claire Mulkieran is rumored to be a glorified computer programmer by trade, but you can call her a “Systems Security Designer.” She's also a teacher of Pagan-related spirituality and the unofficial patron saint of meandering misfits (or a delusional lunatic, depending upon whom you ask). If you're ready to read between the lines, consider her guiding motto; "Are you a figment of my imagination, or am I a figment or yours?"

One Response to No Right-Wing Slogans, Please

  1. Sean Marshall July 6, 2012 at 7:43 am #

    I realize you wrote this sometime ago and I’m responding years later but oh well. I can’t believe women actually tell you that Palin seems like the kind of person one could have lunch with and really talk to. What? People like that are as smart as a rock, (I’m trying my best to be positive).

    Your last paragraph says it all, and the fact of the matter is even if she did know the correct answer, (which like you I highly doubt), she would probably purposely lie about it just because she thought it might be a liberal conspiracy of some sort. Stupidity and dishonesty are things one should just distance oneself from whether it’s Palin or her fans.

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