I just changed my MySpace profile to say that I’m a lesbian. I don’t really think of myself that way. It’s not inconceivable to me that I might have sex with a man again. I have to admit that my dream date would be a woman with a penis (maybe I should say a real woman with a real penis?). That doesn’t sound “lesbian” to me.
There are a couple of things which led to me to change my profile. First and foremost was a series of encounters that I had while playing World of Warcraft. Yes, Agnon finally got me to play that damned game tonight. I frustrated the hell out of him, though. I couldn’t concentrate on what we were supposed to be doing because I kept arguing with teen-aged boys in general chat.
Okay, there was this one guy who was 19 years old and took it upon himself to explain to everyone else (in general chat) what women really wanted. You can imagine the conversations that followed. Most of it was on the 13-15 year old level. A lot of it was disturbing, and clearly came out of the hip-hop “yo bitch” culture. In other words, what a woman really wants is a mac daddy pimp sucka and all she’s there for is to keep her man happy and his sack drained. Yeah. You wish. Clear up the acne first, killa. Then maybe you can be hardcore.
This all was delivered without apparent irony from a bunch of white teen-aged boys who have never strayed far from their small home towns except when going on vacation with the family. And you’re going to tell me what a woman really wants?
Okay, okay. It’s World of Warcraft. What did I really expect? But anyone who knows me also knows that I’m incapable of keeping my mouth shut. So I said a few things and ignited a flame-war in general chat; mostly a lot of boys telling me that I was creepy. Let it suffice to say that nothing in my encounters in WoW changed my opinion of or wariness of males in general.
Afterwards, I checked my MySpace mail and had two notable messages waiting. I will quote the first verbatim;
“this may sound kind of crazy and im sorry if it offends you, just doing a little ‘recuitment’ lol … my buddy and I were wondering if you’d be interested in filming an amateur adult video with us? let me know! have a good night”
Okay. First off, what the fuck about my MySpace profile or posts would make you think that I’m interesting in having sex with you and your buddy, much less filming it?
Then another, from a woman;
“hey girl ur hot we should get together! u into gettin freaky?”
Um. Well … what does that mean? Freaky? If you mean sex, well, could we got out to eat or to a movie, and maybe hit a club first?
I think sex is a perfectly natural part of the human experience, no matter what your inclination of preferences. So what does “freaky” mean? “Freaky” to me does not mean being with another woman. That’s perfectly natural. If you think that being a woman and having sex with another woman is freaky, then you’re clearly experimenting. Come back when you’ve grown up and made up your mind, and maybe we’ll see what happens.
I mention all this because it finally … finally … occurred to me that I get so much of these kinds of e-mails because of one word in my MySpace profile. The word “Bi”, denoting that I’m bisexual. I based this upon a lot of recent conversations in which the general perception has been that women who are bisexual are pretty much willing to do anything with anyone.
“Bi-sexual” to me means that I am not hung up on a person’s sex. I don’t care if you’re female or male. If I’m attracted to you, that’s all that matters to me. And if we get as far as sex, it doesn’t matter what hardware (or software, as the case may be) that you have in your pants. I have enough of an emotional connection with you that if we’re naked in bed together, I’m going to make you feel good, whether that means addressing a clitoris or a penis.
“Bi-sexual” does not mean that I’m a nymphomaniac and will hump anyone, anytime, anywhere.
So. I’m starting to hate the word “bi-sexual”. Largely for the same reason that I hate the word “witch”. I don’t think of myself as a full-blown Wiccan. I’m a hereditary witch (meaning my mother, grandmother and great-grandmother were all witches, and there’s evidence this line of witches goes back much farther than that), but I’ve come to hate the word “witch” because it’s been co-opted by other people and become a tool that other people use to define me in ways other than what I am. “Wiccan” has its own baggage, but at least no one can look at me and say “I don’t believe in Wiccans”.
The same with “bi-sexual”. The word is no longer useful to me. If being bi-sexual means that I’m supposed to go ass-up whenever someone comes along and rubs up against me, then I think I’m done with it.
No, I’m not coming out of the closet. I was never in the closet. I’m the same person I was before I switched the label to “lesbian”. But hopefully now I’ll get fewer invitations to be featured in a couple of boys’ personal fantasy, or be the focal point of college girls’ sexual explorations before becoming Republican housewives and spending the rest of their days voting against the perceived debauchery of their own youth.
I feel much better now.
Have a nice day.